slacker mom

it is 1am on august 1, and it just occurred to me that i should stop reading random stranger's baby blogs and start writing mine. then i came here and realized that there will not be a single post for the month of july. how crazy. maybe i will try to reconstruct it a bit - because it was a momentous month. our little monkey is not even a seamonkey anymore. he's a real boy.

but i'll do it later. because i am tired and my head hurts. and both rob and sasha have been asleep for a couple hours now -and what the f am i doing up right now when i should be sleeping too?

uh oh - and my throat kind of hurts. hope its not the swine flu.

8+ weeks

Now I see why I don't really blog. (Among other reasons) its hard to keep up with this thing.

also, i have stopped being anywhere near coherent enough to type in the middle of the night. i am just stone cold tired. this little 11 lb. turkey is giving us a run for our money. we have tried everything now: every style of breastfeeding and every kind of formula, dairy free diets, fenugreek, castor oil massage, regular massage, frenulum clip, swaddling, shushing, bouncing, lactation support group, mama pilates, cranio-sacral therapy - and STILL - this little one just wants to scream half the live-long day.

in some ways it seems like he is growing out of it... but its one step foward, two steps back. just when it seems like he might start sleeping or hanging out more independently (a full 20 min nap this morning on the changing pad - wow!) he is delicate and twitchy, and spazzes out every time his sleepy little back touches the mattress pas of the co-sleeper. last night i let him fall asleep on my chest every time - i have to admit it was warm and lovely to snuggle w/him - but not for lack of trying to use the co-sleeper and get our marital bed back.

there's more to talk about - our first father's day, our encounters with other "easier" babies, our two-month old checkup tomorrow. but i am too tired...
well if his vaccinations feel anything like the ones they gave me, he will really have something to cry about tomorrow. and perhaps i will have more waking hrs in which to write...

7 weeks

7 weeks today, and so much progress in this little boy's life! smiling every day now. cooing and babbling. tolerating the swing and the bouncy seat for 5 whole minutes at a time! sleeping away from our bodies (but still in our bed). getting more milk from mommy. sleeping more soundly at night. but despite this it was still a fairly fussy day - after 5 days of no poop, he finally cleared out his system before bedtime tonight. hooray.

just sent out a big group email with a photo album of sasha's first six weeks. only a week late, but who's counting? so many little projects. also have about 20 thank-you notes to write. why does it take me so fracking long to do these simple things? i always have the best intentions.

i am realizing that the last couple months really shell-shocked me. i feel like i was on another planet, and am slowly coming back into orbit. wish things weren't so hard for me, that i could take these changes and adjustments in stride. but i guess i am a little sensitive to any bump in the road... kind of like a certain baby i know. he may look like his dad, but he's got his mom's personality through and through...

a toast

tonight we toasted to ourselves as parents - because things seem to be going smoothly and we feel like we are doing alright after all. and rob felt proud of himself for "putting together" a kickass dinner by thinking of ordering some pambiche to go.

too tired to write so i will make a list of thing going well today:

- Sasha is 10. 10 lbs! (has gone from 4th percentile - at 4 days, to 45th percentile at 6+ weeks!)
- He is getting double the milk from me (weighed in at 2oz more after nursing today)
- He is needing less formula
- We went to an open house at a crazy nice childcare place (child roots) and got him on the waitlist (not counting fetuses, he was the youngest one there).
- I was able to take him to the post office so I could do my errands there.
- He behaved himself in the sling while I waited in line
- He is looking super adorable
- He played on his mat, and cooed at me on his changing table.
- He farted in the tub and peed on himself after on the changing table :)
- He is sound asleep right now on my lap!

I should be sleeping too - I guess I was waiting for him, but its about time I stop.
I am going to snooze in this glider chair b/c i guarantee the minute i nod off he will wake up screaming for some booby.

milkfed

am i making more milk? is he just able to get more now?
it seems like he is refusing the bottle more and more... and seems more and more content. happy to lie under the constellation of hangy toys and murmur to himself...

but then again, his crankiness came back tonight... with a vengance.

are there spicy food traces in my breastmilk? i have cut out dairy, beans, broccoli... he is drinking soy... he has gained tons of weight and is doing well. what is it? maybe i was wrong and he is still just hungry. ok - will try to feed him now or neither of us will get any sleep.

sleepy burrito

yesterday turned out to be more action-packed than we expected. rachel and eric stopped by with lyla. our neighbor, ann, stopped by with her new baby boy, lincoln - born just a few days after alexander - so we finally met. we set a up a borrowed play gym for sasha, which he seemed to like a lot, but the cats liked even more. then rob went out for lunch and beers with a big alex from laika. rob and sasha skyped with the blaus while i went to get a new sling at piccolina (which i had admired on ann). then we went to ikea.

by the time we got home (around 8) sasha was crying. turns out he had the biggest, most disgusting poop of his life - after three days of not pooping. it was like a jar of peanut butter in there. gross. i would have cried like that too.

but then something strange happened: sasha slept from then - like 8pm - until 3 in the morning! i thought maybe it was b/c rob wrapped him up in a super tight swaddle with a fleece blanket. and he was cozy in there he forgot to wake up to eat. then when he did he fell asleep on the breast. i was a little worried b/c it was so unlike him. so i unwrapped his tortilla and moved him around a little. _then_ he cried and ate like a champ. even took a whole bottle after an hour of nursing. phew. the burrito boy lives!

p.s. as further evidence of sasha's anti-hippy tendencies: he shat all over the first tie-die i ever put him in - and he seems to be rejecting our attempt at soy formula and a lactose-free diet. he's already got a mind of his own!

week 6

little boy blau is 6 weeks old today.
WOW.
we have come a long way since his birth.
today was a hard day - or at least a hard evening. just when we think he has made it through the woods, there is more. more fussiness, more crying, more screaming for no apparent reason.

but still he is the sweetest baboo.
at six weeks old he is starting to make eye contact. to smile little smiles, and coo little coos. to follow us - or objects - with his eyes (as long as they are held up pretty close). he still has little frog legs all folded up under him when we pick him up, and his thumbs are folded into his fists. but he also can hit and kick and straighten his legs with his strong muscles so it seems like he's about to stand up, slam the door, and walk away. oh, i am sure those days will come....

he is weighing in at over 10 lbs now - hard to believe he has gained 5 lbs just from those small bits of formula and whatever he is getting from me. but he has already grown out of his newborn size clothes and diapers, and is moving quickly through the sizes in the hand-me-down stash. he has little dimples on his hands and elbows, and little pudgy folds just forming at his legs and arms, and belly. he is losing his hair. still, his skin is soft and smooth and milky, and he is still one of the tiniest little buttons in any room of babies.

rob is amazing with him - having conversations with him like he is a 'little man' - soothing his tummy aches with rubbing and sympathy, hugging him tight, playing with his arms, bouncing him on his leg or on the bouncy ball, and singing him songs he doesn't know the lyrics to. one of my favorite times is now, when its late and i am sitting in my nursing chair (after pumping - ugh). and rob is lying in bed with his left arm cradling sasha toward his chest, and sasha is asleep, resting his little head on robs shoulder. i wish i could capture the sweetness of the two of them together. put it in a little box and open it when i need the reassurance of something hopeful and lovely in my life. but a flash photo or flip video could never adequately capture the cozy love that radiates off the two of them. and also rob would never let me take pictures of him in his underwear. too bad. the two of them are so beautiful together.

well. i am exhausted. after all the little eruptions from the little guy today (he likes going for walks on hawthorne in the sling, doesn't like safeway; he likes riding in the car, doesn't like mellow music on the radio; he likes loud rock and roll and is starting to check out black and white images and his own reflection in the mirror. there is no question, the lights are on in there.

and as margie told me :this fussiness is a sign of intelligence. here's hoping.
we made it through the first 6 weeks and it wasnt an easy time. i feel like i deserve a medal. or a raise. or at least a t-shirt.